Friday, April 07, 2006

 

Soap Spoof (Part 6)

Luke is in bed, Brenda is under the covers

Luke: I’m so happy Brenda now that we are married. Everything is perfect. Nothing can ever go wrong again. Well unless anyone finds out about our secret marriage…which they won’t. That’s the kind of thing that only happens in magazines.

Next SCENE

Daniel is trying to get Luke to stop drinking another bottle. Luke is an alcoholic who is currently drinking.

Daniel: Luke, I think that you have had enough.
Luke: I’ve had enough of you.
Daniel: That’s it I’m taking the bottle

Daniel takes the bottle.

Luke: I’ve lost my bottle. Hey you took it, stop looking after me; it’s not as if you’re my father or anything.
Daniel: Oh yes I am!
Luke: What?
Daniel: I am your father Luke.
Luke: No!
Daniel: It is your destiny… to join me down the pub and talk about this.

Luke retakes the bottle and takes a swig from it.

Luke: In the pub eh? Ah ok then.

Next SCENE

In the pub

Luke: So if you are my father. You lied to me. Which means you might have lied about other things as well.
Daniel: Yes I have lied in the past.
Luke: How can I believe that? Maybe you are still lying now.
Daniel: Look it doesn’t matter if I’m lying or not. What matters is that you found out. Think of it as a surprise.
Luke: I don’t like surprises.
Daniel: You might not like what I have to tell you then, son.
Luke: Tell me!
Daniel: Well as well as secretly being your father, I am also the father of John.
Luke: Bloody hell. I’m shocked, that’s mind-blowing.
Daniel: I’m also the secret father of Mark, Peter….and Saddam.
Luke: All my friends!
Daniel: ....And Shelia…Britney…Kylie… and Brenda.
Luke: Brenda! But she’s my partner! My half-sister is my sexual partner!
Daniel: What?!?!
Luke: My half-sister is my sexual partner!
Daniel: Saying it twice doesn’t make it any less sickening.
Luke: You might not like what I have to say next then.
Daniel: Go on…
Luke: She isn’t my partner…
Daniel: Few, thank god for that.
Luke: She is my wife.
Daniel: Aggghhhh!!!!
Luke: I married my own half-sister in a secret marriage, which no one knew about, until now. Man, I need a drink, where’s my bottle?

Daniel drinks the rest of the contents from the bottle and passes out.

Luke: My god you impregnated all those women and you’re not even that attractive. I’m sleeping with my half sister? I think I’m gona be sick.

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